Judge Judy

"They don't keep me here because I'm gorgeous and 5'10"... SIT DOWN."

My DREAM JOB would be to be a TV judge, and no one has or will ever yell at people for a living better than this queen. Growing up with this in the background, it's no wonder I get such satisfaction watching smart tiny women just eviscerate dumb people. If you haven't seen her on Amy Poehler's Good Hangs recently, it'll remind you what a badass she is.